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10 Signs You’re In The Right Relationship

By: Team idk tonight

“You just know” is the beautifully simplistic, completely useless advice that long-lasting couples will doll out, claiming that knowing your love is true is as simple as trusting your gut. While there may be some merit to this, in our age of optimizing our lives (and all the overthinking and analysis that goes with it), it’s hard to listen to your heart and just know.  Luckily, there are some tried and true signs that can help you tell if you’re in the right relationship at this time in your life.

10 Signs You're In The Right Relationship

1. You Just Know

We know, we know—this sentiment was just roasted in the paragraph above. But there’s a reason it’s so annoying to hear, and that’s because it’s true. You may not know if your partner is The One (to be with forever, to introduce to your mom, or to show your favorite secret dive bar). However, if you have any sort of doubt or nagging feeling about your relationship, chances are something is up. Your intuition can help you understand messages from your subconscious, and you should always listen to it. On the reverse, you may have a really good feeling about your relationship, even if it’s early, or not what you expected. This is also a great sign from your inner self that you’re in the right place.

2. You Have Plenty In Common With Your S.O....

This one seems basic, but you’d be surprised how easy it is to forget. In the excitement of new love, we can sometimes forget that the foundation of every great relationship is a friendship. If you and your lover both love endlessly dissecting French cinema, you’ll never run out of things to talk about (French New Wave films seem to exist to be talked about). If your idea of a cinematic experience is watching a Marvel movie in your bed, then hopefully your partner agrees! The more you have in common, the more time you can spend together doing things you both enjoy. When you’re in the right relationship, you don’t have to worry about taking turns enjoying your dates—you’ll both be interested in diving into the same activities.

3. ...But Not EVERYTHING In Common

Absence makes the heart grow fonder—another cliche saying that is a cliche because in many ways, it’s true! If you spend every waking moment with your partner, you’re bound to get sick of them. Also, if your lover is a carbon copy of you, you won’t learn anything new from each other. In the right relationship, you and your partner can introduce each other to new foods, media, and activities and help each other grow. You’ll also have a built-in excuse to spend some time apart with friends. So go ahead and go to your weekly brunch without your partner who hates being day drunk—more mimosas for you! And more importantly, it’s some time to miss each other.

4. You’re Able To Spend Time Apart

Going along with the sign from above, being able to be away from your partner, sometimes for extended periods of time, is a really great sign you’re in the right relationship. It can be tempting, especially later in a relationship, to hunker down and become each other’s whole world. This may sound romantic in a Sarah Dessen novel, but in real life, it’s Codependency 101. Life happens, and for whatever reasons you and your lover will have to spend time apart, whether it’s for a few hours or a few months. When you’re apart, you shouldn’t be in agony and unable to enjoy yourself—in fact, it’s a great sign if part of you still treasures alone time. That’s not to say you can’t miss them! If you find yourself spending time apart and not missing your S.O. at all, that could a sign too—that maybe you’re better off alone.

5. You Fight Right

Every couple fights. Every. Couple. Fights. You can call it a “disagreement” or a “discussion” but at the end of the day, any pair spending that much time together is going to argue. And that’s okay! Healthy, even! But the way you fight could be a little less healthy. Are you able to keep calm during fights, hear each other out, and still get along even if the issue can’t be resolved right away? That’s a clear sign that you’re in the right relationship and can handle life’s twists and turns. Does every fight turn into a screaming match, weeks of the cold shoulder, or a break-up-make-up cycle rotating faster than the wheels in a spinning class? That’s what we call in the biz a big ole red flag.

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6. You Understand Each Other’s Love Language

You may be nodding at this and thinking “oh yes, my language is acts of service” or you may be wondering if next, I’m going to bring up horoscopes. Though love languages may seem like a self-help style trend, there is a lot of truth to the idea that different people give and accept love in different ways. It’s important to understand what makes you most feel loved and what makes your partner feel loved. If you love getting gifts (no shame in that!) and after a bad day your partner brings home a little something, that’s a great sign that they get you. If you’re always trying to make your partner feel appreciated by doing the dishes when what they really want is to hang out with you, then you might not understand their love language and need to take another look at the relationship.

7. You Have Similar Values

We’re at a time in history where many countries are more divided than ever. More and more issues seem personal, and it can be hard to deeply relate to someone who doesn’t share your values. Obviously, you don’t have to agree on everything (the chunky vs. smooth peanut butter debate rages on in many good relationships), but your core values should be the same. If you and your lover are both dedicated to taking care of the environment, you’ll not only avoid fights but bond over your passion. If you can’t cajole your partner to ever recycle, then that could be a sign your relationship just isn’t right—also, it’s not that hard to recycle, come on!

8. You Respect Your Partner’s Relationship With Family

Families are complicated and deeply personal. Some people’s chosen family or relatives are their closest friends, and other people have had to cut problematic family out of their lives. Even if your relationships with your families are very different, you should be able to support each other. If you’re super close to your family and your partner is willing to visit and spend time with them, that’s a great sign. On the flip side, if your partner doesn’t communicate with certain members and you don’t push them to compromise their boundaries, that’s great too.

9. Communication Is Great But Not Always Needed

Communication is the cornerstone of any good relationship. If you can’t talk to your partner and effectively convey your wants and needs, that’s a bad sign! But chances are that’s not the case—otherwise you would have stopped at number one on this list. A good sign that your relationship is right is when you can not only communicate well but sometimes your partner can tell what you need without being told. This isn’t to say anyone has to be a mind reader, but if you’re frustrated, in need of alone time, and your lover gives you space just reading your vibes? That’s a really good sign.

10. They Still Surprise You

Are you surprised? A lot of the signs in you’re in the right relationship relate to knowing each other really well. However, it’s important that you can still surprise each other, especially in long term relationships. Though comfort and familiarity are great, it’s nice to feel like there’s still spontaneity in your relationship. If your partner is still able to plan dates that you couldn’t predict or tell jokes that catch you off guard (in a good way!), that’s a sign that your relationship is A+ material.  

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